7 Ways to Help a Grieving Friend

Do you ever wonder what to say and do when a friend is grieving? 

Here are some ways friends have helped me during times of loss in my life:

1) Reach out. It meant a lot when people reached out by phone, email, text, and visits.

2) Bring food. In the small town where I grew up, when someone died the community would bring food to the bereaved family - casseroles, soups that could go in the freezer, other main and side dishes, and - on the day of the funeral - sweets. 

In the more urban environment where I live now, bringing food is not so common, maybe because of concerns about food allergies and other dietary restrictions. When my mother died, some friends brought a Whole Foods cooler bag filled with prepared foods, which I really appreciated.

3) Send a card through the mail, taking time to write a personal message to let your friend know you are thinking of them.

4) Avoid platitudes such as “Everything happens for a reason,” “This is God’s will,” or “They are in a better place,” unless you know for sure that your friend feels that way. If you aren’t sure what to say, just say something like, “I’m sorry for your loss and I’m here for you,” or “I’m thinking of you during this challenging time.” 

5) Take your cue from your grieving friend. If they want to talk about their grief, let them. If they want to forget about their grief for a little while and talk about other things, even laugh, let them. Grief tends to move in waves, if we let it.

6) Offer to help in practical ways - go with them to the funeral home, do their grocery shopping, take their dog for a walk. 

7) Check in with them at the one month anniversary. A friend did that when my mother died, and it meant a lot. Maybe check in again at two months, and the one year anniversary. If you know of other times their grief might be especially strong, like a birthday or wedding anniversary, touching base can mean a lot.

Know that everyone grieves in their own way, there is no right or wrong way. The best thing you can do is be a steady, caring, supportive, non-judgemental friend.

How about you? What has helped you during times of grief? Send an email to liz@happybrainlife.com and let me know so I can learn from your experience.

Hugs,

Liz