Self-Compassion Makes Us Strong!
Have you ever wondered why we tend to be so hard on ourselves? Heart-centered people often are kind to everyone except themselves.
Self-compassion involves treating yourself the way you would treat a friend who is having a hard time -- even if your friend blew it or is feeling inadequate, or is just facing a tough life challenge (The Mindful Self-Compassion Workbook).
Why is self-compassion so powerful?
Self-compassion calms the survival brain.
Humans evolved in small groups, in which survival was completely dependent on fitting into the group. Our survival brain has a negativity bias - it constantly worries about what we are doing wrong, especially anything it thinks could threaten our place in the group. Practicing self-compassion helps reassure our survival brain that things are actually okay.
Self-compassion puts us in a more optimal state to live our best lives.
When we practice self-compassion, our mind and emotions are calm. Our energy is not tied up in self-criticism and judgement. We can think more clearly and realistically. We are in a state that fosters creativity and problem-solving.
When we are kind to ourselves, our relationships are better.
If we are constantly criticizing ourselves, connecting with other people is a lot harder. When we are being kind to ourselves, we are in a much better place to connect. We also are modeling for our children and other loved ones how to treat ourselves with kindness and respect.
Self-compassion is good for our health.
When the survival brain is calm, we don’t have stress hormones such as cortisol constantly flooding our body. When we practice being kind and loving towards ourselves, our brains release positive neurotransmitters such as oxytocin, which are good for mental and physical health.
Kristin Neff, PhD, the foremost researcher in self-compassion, says that self-compassion has three key elements:
Self-kindness vs. self-judgement - being gentle with ourselves rather than self-critical
Common humanity vs. isolation - recognizing that all humans make mistakes and experience difficulties in life
Mindfulness vs. over-identity - observing and accepting thoughts and feelings as they are, without being overly reactive
Dr. Neff’s website (link below) has lots of helpful information, including recorded meditations and several exercises.
The “How Would You Treat a Friend?” exercise includes the following steps:
Think about how you respond to a close friend when they are going through a tough time, especially when you are being your best self. What do you do? What do you say? What tone do you use?
Now think about how you treat yourself when you are going through a tough time. What do you say to yourself? What tone do you use?
Is there a difference? If so, can you identify what fears are causing you to treat yourself differently than you treat a friend?
Think about how things might change if you treat yourself the same way you would treat a friend that you care deeply about.
Self-compassion is a powerful tool.
If you’re interested in learning more about the benefits of self-compassion and practical techniques to apply it, definitely check out Dr. Neff’s work. Her website is:
www.self-compassion.org
What is one way you could treat yourself with more compassion today? Send an email or message and let me know.
I’d love to hear from you! Send your comments, questions, and suggestions to liz@happybrainlife.com.
Hugs,
Liz
