You Are Enough!
Feeling that we aren’t enough is epidemic in our society.
Advertising, television, movies and other media tend to show people with perfect bodies and beautiful lives. We can easily internalize these images and feel that we aren’t enough. Why do we do this?
The most deeply embedded patterns in the human brain have to do with fitting into the group.
Humans evolved over millions of years in small, closely knit bands, and fitting into the group was crucial to survival. We no longer are dependent for our survival on a small group, but our survival brain doesn’t know that.
Our survival brain is always assessing how we are doing in relation to the group. If it feels that we’re not doing well, that our status in the group is threatened, we get the stress hormone cortisol flowing through our veins. If our survival brain feels good about our status in the group, we get serotonin, one of the primary feel good hormones.
This ancient, powerful part of the brain is constantly surveying the environment (in our modern world this includes media) to assess 1) what are the social norms? and 2) how are we doing with fitting into those norms?
Quite naturally, our survival brain often finds that we fall short of the unrealistic images of beauty, success, wealth, etc. that we see around us (especially in media). Then we hear that internal voice that says we aren’t enough, and painful feelings and associated cortisol kick in.
Not feeling enough can have a lot of limiting effects, as we try to satisfy our survival brain’s desire to feel safe. These effects can include:
Perfectionism - not putting anything out into the world unless it is perfect (which of course nothing can ever be),
doing what feels safe rather than what we truly want to do,
worrying about what people think,
not being adventuresome,
not expressing our true authentic self.
If we are feeling not enough a lot of the time, having cortisol constantly flowing through our bodies can also be very hard on our physical well-being.
Here are some ways we can work with our survival brain to feel that we are enough:
Get clear about your “why”. Why do you want to change these neural patterns of feeling that you aren’t enough? Imagine what your life would be like if you had a baseline belief that you are enough just as you are. What would that feel like? It doesn’t mean you that wouldn’t take steps improve your life, but that fundamentally you are a worthy human being and enough just as you are. Part of your “why” might be wanting to model self-confidence and self-compassion for others, such as your children.
Recognize that the feeling of not being enough is your survival brain trying to keep you safe. This part of your brain is constantly assessing the social environment (including media) to determine how best to fit in and not rock the boat. You can use your prefrontal cortex and your heart to decide whether you want to listen to your safety-obsessed survival brain and its limiting messages.
Think through what you really believe. Are you enough? What would you say to someone you love, like your best friend or your child? Would you tell them they aren’t enough? I believe we all are enough, that we are all doing our best.
Watch your thoughts. When you catch yourself having thoughts of not being enough, interrupt the pattern. Say to yourself something like: “That is just my survival brain trying to keep me safe. I am enough just as I am.” Your survival brain might try to argue with you, attempting to convince you of all the reasons why you don’t measure up. Just be the curious observer. Watch those thoughts and see how hard your survival brain is working to try to protect you. Keep interrupting the old negative thought pattern and replacing it with a more empowering thought pattern.
Keep practicing. It takes time to build new neural pathways. Depending on your childhood circumstances, you might have a lifetime of messages from your external environment that your survival brain has internalized, and it can take awhile to build more empowering neural patterns.
Imagine living in a world where all the wonderful heart-centered people like you are free of feeling not enough.
How transformative that would be! People would be free to be creative, to be adventuresome, to take risks, to show their true authentic selves to the world.
We aren’t dependent on just a small group of people for our survival now. We can choose who we want to be in our “tribe.” We can connect to like-minded people all over the world.
Would you like to have a solid foundation of knowing that you are enough? If so, what is your “why?” How would that change your life and possibly the lives of others around you? If you’d like, send an email telling me your why.
I’d love to hear from you! Please send comments, questions, and suggestions to liz@happybrainlife.com
Thanks for reading!
Liz
